Even though I promised last year to not go back to this well, I find myself setting aside my flaws for one more year (because they’re so messy to deal with) and laying out my New Year’s resolutions… for other people.
Resolution No. 1: Kari Lake should stop claiming she lost the 2022 Arizona gubernatorial election for any reasons other than talking crazy about the 2020 election and telling McCain Republicans to “get the hell outta here” at a campaign event – in essence, insisting moderate Republicans not vote for her. The election wasn’t stolen, Kari – you pried open the jaws of defeat and dove in, head first. Unfortunately, I suspect Lake will also make my 2024, 2025 and 2026 lists, making the same Big Steal claims into that incredibly weird camera filter for years to come. (Unless my editor fires me for dragging this musty idea for a new year column out of the closet yet again.)
Resolution No. 2: Newly elected Arizona Governor Katie Hobbs should make a resolution to use her given name of Kathleen – a name worthy of a grown-up governor. Although her predecessors didn’t use their full names of Douglas or Janice, they weren’t known to the world as Dougie Ducey or Janny Brewer, either. And the de facto leader of Hobbs’ Democratic Party isn’t President Joey Biden. Dropping Katie will help me to stop picturing our governor as a teen girl waiting outside a K-pop concert with her
Resolution No. 3: Speaking of governors, maybe Douglas can resolve to stick around and help keep Kathleen on point with the economy. As spelled out in her campaign, her economic plan essentially consisted of not taxing diapers, baby formula and feminine products. This won’t keep our revamped, tech-oriented economy (that Douglas worked so hard to achieve) chugging along.
Resolution No. 4: Lake Powell and Lake Mead should resolve to not completely dry up. Having grown up next to Lake Powell, I’ll be devastated if Lone Rock Beach, the place I spent many a youthful summer afternoon, becomes Lone Rock Land Bridge. At least, as Lake Powell plunges, the only sins of the past getting exposed will be some beer bottles I sunk during beach parties – not rubbed-out gangsters like Vegas has contributed to the bottom of Lake Mead.
Resolution No. 5: Drivers need to stop shooting at each other. Over the last few weeks of 2022, there were three fatal road rage incidents in the Valley in which drivers tried to resolve traffic tension with a handgun. The result is two dead men – and an 8-year-old girl killed because her dad didn’t handle a four-way stop the way her murderer thought he should’ve.
Resolution No. 6: Taking Resolution No. 5 into consideration, I will drag one personal flaw out into the sunlight and personally resolve to be more understanding in traffic and in society in general. When someone does something that offends me or treats me in a dismissive way, I resolve to remember their behavior likely is not directed at – or has anything to do – with me. This is a way I can work to bring a little peace on Earth: by bringing peace to the area of Earth located between my ears.
Jim Sharpe is the host of Arizona’s Morning News on KTAR-FM 92.3 (weekdays 5-9 a.m.). Visit ktar.com to find more information about his on-air work.