On December 14, resident shock rocker Alice Cooper hosts his 18th Christmas Pudding show at Celebrity Theatre with guests including Judas Priest singer Rob Halford and Mark Slaughter, proving once again that yüle is the heaviest holiday ever. Get primed for Cooper’s annual audio anvil with these horrifyingly heavy Christmas songs.
“Kidnap the Sandy Claws” – Korn
Korn’s cover of this song from Danny Elfman’s The Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack gets an extra dose of dementia from booming bass and wicked-sick vocals.
“No Presents for Christmas” – King Diamond
Nothing decks the halls harder than a speed metal song in which King Diamond sings in his ludicrously high falsetto about dark despair, lost souls and being the Little Drummer Boy who will destroy.
“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” – Ronnie James Dio and Tony Iommi
Black Sabbath axman Tony Iommi’s shrieking E string sets the tone for Ronnie James Dio’s doomy crooning in this song celebrating the birth of Christ “to save us all from Satan’s power.”
“Silent Night” – Christopher Lee
You haven’t lived – or really wished for death – until you’ve heard the ghostly baritone of the man who portrayed Dracula and Frankenstein’s monster commanding you to “Sleep in heavenly peace.”
“Carol of the Bells” – any version
The haunting four-note melody in this tune – based on a Ukrainian folk song – has cursed it to be creepy no matter what. Donny Osmond could cover it, and it would still sound like summoning Satan. Scariest metal version: The Melvins.
