Phoenix City Council members will be required to visit downtown San Diego; Chicago; Fort Worth, Texas; and other nifty, thriving cities. Now that we have the light rail, we need to motivate these leaders to come up with creative ways to lure people to our city’s heart. Get going council people or we’re going to fire you. And, depending on my mood at the time, a little tar and feathering action may also be in store for you.
Oh, and one more thing about the rail: Either charge or don’t charge, but those leaders pushing for the “honor system” for fares obviously have never been in charge of the office snack box. People are thieves.
I also order you to stop crying like babies when it comes to Sheriff Joe Arpaio enforcing immigration laws. If you don’t like Arpaio’s tactics, change the laws, but if you’re happy with those rules then let “I’m the sherrrrruf” Joe do his thing. Thank God we’ve had him as long as we have.
T. Boone Pickens is right on the mark with his belief that we must turn to solar and wind power. Areas of Arizona where the wind blows freely should have the maximum number of windmill farms now. Shame on us for wasting the valuable energy a single ray of sunshine holds. We should be the country’s example.
To help us remember how blessed we are, all Valley citizens shall volunteer at one of the many local charities working to make a difference. I support Children First Academy at 374 N. Sixth Ave. The educators there are performing true miracles in the lives of kids who are homeless and/or poor (childrenfirstacademy.blogspot.com). And, for the more than 1.7 million who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan who come home to pain and suffering of a different kind, Project We Remember, is filling the gap (projectweremember.org).
Enough now. I am tired. I shall retire to my dungeon den so I may once again marvel at the God-given talent loaned to Kurt Warner. Not only is he my MVP candidate, but what a motivation to all persons far and wide! Sent to arena football. Bagged groceries to help support his family. Picked up by the St. Louis Rams. Won a Super Bowl. Cut. And now new success with the Arizona Cardinals. You, sir, have within you what I wish all Americans would embrace: Class. Distinction. Determination. Faith. I hereby decree that the Football Hall of Fame inducts you into its ranks as one of the finest quarterbacks in the history of the game.
Wait, what’s that? Queen Jana is calling? Please tell her that, yes, I will pick up a dozen eggs on the way home. She’s not mad, is she? Oh, the king dost hate when the queen is mad.