While he joins forces with amnesty-lover John McCain to legitimize more than 12 million illegal immigrants from 52 nations, one needs to ask how it is a “victimless” crime when billions of dollars are lost to identity theft and police officers and citizens seem to be killed by illegal-immigrant drunken drivers every month. I suppose it’s true that they respect our drinking and driving laws about as much as our border laws. In additional news: Mr. Obama, when speaking about the Washington, D.C., handgun ban, was clear that he would allow communities to create “common sense” laws banning guns. Though this is frightening at first blush, we have learned that September 11, 2001, was a fluke and no one anywhere wants to do us harm, so guns are overrated, aren’t they?
Enough of my demands on the new D.C. Top Dog; Lord knows I’ve just barely scratched the surface of his first three promises anyway.
All speed cameras in the state will be chopped down and abolished forthright, and any governor using this wicked taxing device shall be impeached and forevermore banished to Yuma. Speed cameras are run by private enterprises that send out letters on official-looking letterhead made to appear as though they come from the city or state (when they don’t) and are merely meant to intimidate. And whatever happened to “facing one’s accuser” in court since the accuser is a camera? Whatever happened to a speed that is “reasonable and prudent?” Ten miles an hour over the posted limit is magically acceptable in crowded traffic, but 11 over on a quiet sunny Sunday morning isn’t? And whatever happened to a live police officer making a live judgment call and sparing a speeder?
The fact that the people of Arizona are not outraged by the more than 300 new cameras put in place tells me I can come up with other ways to screw you over.
Speaking of driving, stay out of the left-hand lane if you are traveling at or below the speed limit. Period. If you don’t understand this edict you are no doubt too dumb to be driving anyway, so get a backpack and start walking.
I shall introduce Governor Janet Napolitano and Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon to a hair stylist, and I’ll outlaw plastic surgery in Arizona just so we can see what people in Scottsdale really look like. OK, those two come from my adviser, who will remain nameless (Russ), but I thought they were clever and pithy and mean and, doggone it, I’m the king and that’s that.
Your king likes basketball as much as the next guy, so when the Phoenix Suns tip off at the late hour of 8:30 p.m., I will automatically shut down the arena’s beer concessions and take away future first-round draft choices. Those of us who run countries may have our harems, which keep us up at all hours of the night, but the Average Joe the Plumber (sorry, couldn’t resist) needs beauty rest. Can I get a “here-here” from my many devoted citizens who still work for a living?!
The light rail shall expand to serve communities within a 40-mile radius of Greater Phoenix, with transportation links to Flagstaff, Tucson, Prescott and other cool places I like to visit on a regular basis. As another great leader once said, “Get ’er done!”