Dear Serfs of the Valley, it has recently come to my attention that my dearest Queen Jana has presented her agenda for your futures, and though she has many an intelligent idea, it is I, your King, who will lay things out just as they are and as they should be. It should be duly noted that Queen Jana has agreed to quietly take notes and to fetch my iced tea should I become parched. (With two Splendas, thank you very much.)
 OK, that last part is a lie. She would stone me if she could for merely suggesting that I would expect her to “fetch” anything for me. But, like most kings who understand the concept of the true rule of the female persuasion, I can enjoy my fantasy, even if it is short-lived. And since I am enjoying this daydream, here are my offerings.
Since President-elect Barack Obama will soon take command of the Oval Office, I hereby demand that he develop a health care system that shall cover every living and breathing man, woman, child, animal and pet rock in the U.S., and that health care be provided free-of-charge to everyone. This shall include free medicine and dental/doctor/hospital visits, because my incoming president believes it is the responsibility of the government to handle everything for everyone. This will surely cost a good sum of money, so I will see to it that he limits the income of health care professionals and charge the rich for everyone’s services – because, no doubt, those who achieved the American Dream are to be despised by all. How dare they?! Mr. Obama’s own people have described the “rich” as anyone making in excess of $250,000 per year, so we will abide by his numbers. I advise that you quit your jobs now so you may qualify to have everything handed to you instead of earning it like your parents did. What, pray tell, were your parents and grandparents ever thinking?
The soon-to-be president also wants to make sure your mortgages are adjusted so you may keep your castles, at a lesser monthly cost, because it were those damned banks that forced the people of our land to rush out and buy such expensive properties. I mean, it makes sense to me that folks could snag homes valued at a half-million dollars when their incomes were in the $30s. Indeed, the average Arizona income is $41,500. God bless that man; he, indeed, is our Robin Hood!